We interrupt this chronic crisis to bring you: A Birthday

 

Today we celebrate 61 years of Scott. And in honor of that I, Jennifer, who have been silent for a bit over two months, am sneaking back onto this forum while he runs an errand to invite you to celebrate with me. Because this birthday finds him (us) in an unexpected place with an unclear plan, or at least more realistically aware that every birthday finds us in places that are complicated combinations of our choices and life, and we never can plan on the next one! So today please join me in a bit of joy. 

Today's birthday has been joyful, largely due to the presence of our second-born who by God's mercy was able to walk through every step of the first two weeks of this near-death blip with us, and also to come back over this Veteran's Day long weekend. He's been a stalwart and a gem. It's also a glorious Fall day in West Virginia, for a father-son bike ride and polar-plunge river dip, for sunny rocking on the front porch with guitar-accompanied singing truth, for making food and talking. But mostly, today is joyful because it provides a frame in which to gather thankfulness for Scott. It's not the first time he's been instrumental in saving my life but definitely the time that death has come closest. I am thankful for his presence, recognition of the situation, pushing for the helicopter extraction and then sticking by me in the complicated journey of care. He's been constant through those four days on the ventilator, five in the ICU, ten in the main hospital and another week in the rehab.  Then another seven weeks of plugging along at our farm taking me to umpteen appointments, managing both of our jobs at distance alone, shopping, cooking, and on an on. I am trying to be aware of just how drastically my fall has knocked into dozens of other people's lives and plans, but no one's as hard as Scott's. So On this birthday, I am thankful for the companion God has given me (41 years of friendship, 34 years of marriage), and specifically for his capacity to pivot on this unplanned sojourn as we wait to see what it means for our lives.

Our mantra of late has been the paradox of gratefulness and grief. I'm grateful to be alive and in recovery, yet also grieving for the loss of so much of life for now. In the same way on this birthday I'm grateful for Scott's wisdom, energy, faith, commitment, kindness, care for me, capacity to stay involved in our own struggle and those of our team and Area and friends . . . but also grieving that he has to be away from a life that we spent 28 years investing in, the human beings that fill his heart, the hands-on work that brings him satisfaction. Two birthdays ago we got Bwindi in Kampala; last year we went to a Safari Lodge for a lovely treat of a time together. This year we've been boosted for COVID at Walgreens and watched the Veteran's day parade, and are treasuring the weekend with our son and chatting with the rest of the family. We are  marveling that we can be here, even making his mom's traditional carrot cake (without Ruth 61 years ago none of this story would be possible!).

After today, back to PT and zoom calls and the slog of survival, back to hoping and praying and waiting. I'm aware that my brain is not to be fully trusted (going to have this read by someone before posting) and everything takes more energy than it should. But for today, I'm glad that I'm not in this crazy situation alone, that God gave Scott 61 years and counting, and hoping it is many more. He's done a great job of recruiting prayer for me, which is definitely my lifeline. Today pray for him, to also meet God in the mess, to be filled with faith, hope, and love as we recited in our wedding vows from 1 Cor 13, to accept the new normals with grace and find good in his next year of life. And to have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!