Girls and Boys

For many years I believed that it was easier to be a missionary kid boy than a girl in Africa. Our yard was always populated by boys, who did not have to mind babies or carry water at home and were therefore more free to come and play. Boys are over-represented in schools, and more likely to speak English. Boys can build friendship on playing football and digging in the sand-pile, running and tussling. Julia always held her own with all this, but I anticipated life being more difficult for her.

However, I was wrong in many ways. We attended chapel at Christ School yesterday, which we do intermittently, an optional early morning Sunday service with greatly energetic praise and worship (OK, we are Ryan groupies and went to hear Skip preach again!). I noticed that there were a fairly equal number of boys and girls, about 50 of each. But those 50 girls are half the female student body, while the 50 boys are only about a quarter of the males. At one point they read a Psalm responsively. The girls' verses sounded as if they had practiced: in cadence, loud, assured. The boys' verses sounded mumbly and limp. The girls sit in a tight cluster. They boys sit scattered. Julia immediately went to a bench with friends and sat with them. Jack and Caleb stuck with us.

It has been one of the shocks of this year, that our daughter is much happier at school than any of our boys have been. Miss Ashley and football are a huge part of that. Julia's personality is another, she is friendly and open and generally cheerful, confident. But I think there is something deeper that we are glimpsing.

In a strongly patrilineal society, boys represent clan, ancestry, land, power. They are in subtle competition. Outsiders are dangerous. But girls are expendable and temporary members of families, they are traded off for marriages and have fewer rights. A girl is less threatening. So, subconsciously, our daughter finds more acceptance than our sons as a teenager (almost) in a rather closed community. She will face her own challenges; we live by faith when we hear the comments that men make about her as they do about any girl. But for now we are thankful for the unexpected gift of companionship she has found.